We have day to day pain and are just walking the new journey of life.
We carry unfathomable grief, but we also celebrate the beautiful young life of our precious Joshua as life is going on.
I am finding writing is my greatest therapy and ultimate healing from God; and it’s bringing out the deepest cries of my heart. I put on paper all these words of emotions…fear, anger, pain, loneliness, emptiness, brokenness, and hope…knowing God will use them to reach out to hurting and broken hearts from life happenings.
We all walk each day tightly holding onto Jesus’ strong hand as we walk in our new, undesired pattern of life going on.
Josh’s earth death was a level of sadness that we have never experienced or felt before and the only way we know how to release our deepest pain is in the intimacy of Jesus…laying in His arms to be able to breathe; hearing His heart beat one with ours; and drinking from His healing cup.
I know we will be together again…but it sometimes doesn’t keep you from going into a black hole feeling like you are on a roller coaster of emotions…up and down as life still keeps going on.
I remember standing there as a mom praying for a miracle, asking God to bring Josh back…..only eventually being forced to accept my baby boys young earthly destiny to Heaven. Sometimes we don’t get the answers we want now, and unfortunately have to wait a lifetime to see the reasons why things didn’t turn out like we wanted them to or thought they should.
We were all faced with a God we never knew before. Facing our severe tragedy caused us to question everything about our faith…but as life is going on…we know we cannot live this life without Him…even during the times of struggle…knowing He is the very reason to keep the faith because He is the only One who never leaves us and never forgets about us (Deuteronomy 31:6); blessing us as we mourn, for we will be comforted (Matthew 5:4); and healing our broken hearts and binding up our wounds (Psalm 147:3).
It’s a struggle many moments and even many days…but we are getting there as life is going on.