December brings the joy of the Christmas holiday and is considered by many the magical time of year. It’s all about those once-a-year holiday playlist of songs that so many love to sing along to and help put you in holiday cheer; beautifully wrapped gifts under the trees; colorful lights in the windows; the abundance of cards in the mail; festive decorations displayed everywhere you look; people shopping for the perfect presents; the scrumptious baking aroma of gingerbread and peppermint in many kitchens; getting a good place to stand for the fun parades; white glistening snow in many yards; and savory turkey dinner with family and friends.
Sometimes Christmas isn’t so joyful for many. Maybe they don’t have extra money to buy presents for their kids; or maybe their loved ones won’t be home for the holidays for different reasons.
I’m not going to lie…Christmas hurts because our precious Joshua is not here to celebrate with us. We don’t get to make any more memories of our family tradition of decorating our tree together while listening to our favorite Christmas songs; sitting around the table decorating home-baked sugar cookies; shopping for the perfect gifts and getting excited to watch each other open them .
My eyes fill with tears this season as I look upon our complete family picture in our Christmas frame that can never be updated. So many memories flood my mind as I place our ornaments upon our tree. It breaks all of our hearts watching Chloe celebrate Christmas without her precious daddy as she would love to sit in his lap while excitedly opening all her presents. While I have a broken heart every Christmas because the holidays are not supposed to be this way, I do have the sweetest gift and greatest hope and joy in remembering where my Joshua is. He is with the Son of God and Prince of Peace. I can only imagine how he is celebrating in Heaven; as we celebrate our Savior’s birth here on earth.
Josh can never join us again for Christmas, but we will see him again and the thought of this brings healing to our souls. I still break down many of times, grieving that we’re apart. I pull closer to Jesus because He’s the only One who can hold my sad heart and kiss it with comfort. And I cling tight to Mark, Jake, and Chloe.
If you find your heart is sad this time of year too for whatever reasons…know you are not alone. My heart connects with yours as we embrace this holiday season…leaning on God and knowing HIS love never fails and that the Christmas season one day, in different ways, will be bright & merry again.
Hugs, Love & Blessings ~ Audrey